By Anonymous
This is NOT an essay, or at least nothing scholarly or academic or even remotely enriching. I think I speak for the vast majority of fellow East Asian victims of this cultural phenomenon - if it can even be referred to as such - when I say that this whole incident is frighteningly common these days. COVID and 2020 trapped everyone behind a screen for too long. Half of the world became a weeb, a Koreaboo, or both - with devastating effects on the climate, the economy, and the still-developing minds of twelve year-olds who got digital access a little too early. Without further ado, here are the top three most memorable moments of Asian fetishisation and/or cultural appropriation, ranked by how long I predict they may linger in the hall of fame that is the minds of social media users.
There are lots of little contenders for third place whom I cannot think of off the top of my head (I only wrote this article for one singular person and it wasn’t any of these people) - but luckily, ChatGPT received its last update in January 2022 which is good enough for me. According to our trusty AI, the following have come under fire: Katy Perry for her music videos and costumes e.g. a geisha-inspired outfit during a 2013 performance at the American Music Awards; Iggy Azalea (and apparently the East Asians are not her only victims); Avril Lavingne for Hello Kitty; Scarlett Johansson for Ghost in a Shell; Gwen Stefani; and Miley Cyrus. Personally, I think Katy Perry wins bronze this round.
Fun fact. If you Google ‘asianfishing’, our multicultural, diversity-equity-and-inclusion queen Ariana Grande is the first (and pretty much only) result. I will delve no deeper. I see no need. This is very self-explanatory.
And now for the real deal, the single individual deserving of first place: Oli London. There are so many things to say about this man (as of 2022 he uses he/him pronouns, source: Wikipedia) and yet nothing at all. He’s done a lot with his life, I’ll give him that. Every day, he’s charting new territories and exploring his own identity in terms of gender, sexuality, religion, and of course, race. One might even argue that he’s a figurehead of the transracial movement, if such a thing exists. Really, the term ‘movement’ is generous - more like a half-step in the wrong direction.
Whatever the case, Oli London has certainly created great change, primarily on his own face. You must admit, 32 cosmetic surgeries in 10 years is quite impressive. Someone ought to calculate the human cell to plastic ratio of his body. If you peel back all those layers - literally - and peer into his soul and squint with exceptional precision you may spy that hint of Asian he’s really trying to bring out of himself. It’s beyond appropriation and even delusion. Wherever you are today, Oli London, I hope you’ve found yourself. We will always remember you.
In conclusion, be sensible and don’t go for gold (or shall I say yellow?) like Oli London. I suspect this article will need an update in about two years because there’s always a bigger fish (or shall I say Asianfisher?) somewhere out there in our expanding universe. The End. (Or perhaps just the beginning…)