My Blue Youth

By Anonymous

I can see blue without

opening my eyes

In the dark

In the light

I can see blue without

a soul in sight

With white noise

With silence

by my side

I can see blue without

even trying

She follows me

Haunts me

Hurts me

Loves me

Makes me cry

I can see blue when

I stay awake at night

She lies to me as she lies with me

It’s a struggle

to prise myself away from her

to fight the comfort she provides

She’s not my demon

but she’s not my angel either

I can see blue when

I’m reminded

she’s there

in the shade

of the corners of my mind

Sometimes her shade changes

The pigment fades,

erased with time

She becomes more of a gray tint

- the weight lifts off:

I believe I am free -

only to appear wordlessly when

I’m least expecting her

(desperation is not a pretty colour on me)

I can see blue when

I find her in sounds and scents

Her presence is “caring”(overbearing)

and ingrained in my life

I can see blue when

I want to unwind

I can see blue when

I want to rewind

She’s there for me when

I need an escape

And I have to thank her for shaping who I am for nearly eight years to date