By Chung Yu Kwok
Through a series of flashbacks between her killing spree and present life (sentence), Bella Mackie’s debut novel How To Kill Your Family tells the tale of twenty-eight-year-old Grace Bernard’s mission to avenge her late mother’s death, starting with a convenient decapitation in Marbella and ending with imprisonment for a murder she did not commit. Despite the fact that it resembles a collection of hate speech more than a story, this novel was an enjoyable read - perhaps not the most enriching piece of literature I’ve ever laid my eyes upon, but a good laugh nonetheless.
Grace Bernard, as one might expect from a serial killer, is a hater. This is the only explanation for her unnecessary, ever-present enmity towards various demographics: men, women, rich people, poor people, the elderly, the youth…even her poor mother comes under fire at some point in the novel. It does get exhausting after a while - but not for Grace, whose spite fuels her to pick off six members of her father’s family, most of whom had nothing to do with her mother’s death. (Justice for cousin Andrew and his frogs, I say.)
As Grace’s life story comes together across the novel in bits and pieces, we learn that she is the daughter of wealthy fashion tycoon Simon Artemis, who abandoned her mother once after a six-month fling and a second time on her deathbed in hospital. Grace therefore seeks to eliminate her grandparents, cousin, uncle, stepmother, half-sister, and father - all in that order. Circumstances of death vary, involving saunas, peach allergies, and other delightfully creative pieces of equipment.
But outside of revenge, Grace’s life isn’t quite so flashy. After the death of her mother, she moves in with childhood friend Jimmy, who comes from an affluent, “liberal guilt”-ridden family that she claims treats her as a charity case. Her strange relationship with Jimmy leads to an even nastier relationship with his fiancée, Caro - and the latter’s unfortunately timed death implicates Grace, landing her in prison just before she can claim her final and most anticipated kill. Eventually, her innocence is proven, only for things to take a darker turn at the end of the story; Simon Artemis dies, but at what cost?
How To Kill Your Family has often been compared to Killing Eve for its dark wit and stylish assassinations, but really, this is a bit generous. Grace’s murders are intriguing in theory but fall flat in execution, so to speak. A potentially compelling narrative is punctuated by incessant tirades and snippets of her mundane prison life in present day, effectively killing off any building tension or drama. The ratio of filler to thriller lacks balance and discipline and weakens what would otherwise make a perfectly exciting revenge story. However, the entertainment value of this novel cannot be understated. Although How To Kill Your Family fails to deliver a strong premise, it is undeniably a fun ride that can keep a reader engaged with humour and chaos. It just may not be the best use of your time.
SPOILER ALERT (for the entire novel, basically.)
My personal ranking of every murder in the book, from least flamboyant to most:
6) The father - pushed off a boat. Really? The context of this one disappointed me.
5) The half-sister - allergic reaction to a peach-loaded beauty product. This one was not entirely intentional and purely down to luck, so I docked a few points.
4) The cousin - drugged by frog poisons and drowned. At the end of the day, he was a nice fellow, if not a bit weird. RIP.
3) The grandparents - run-off-road car crash. Simple but effective. Provided the novel with a KILLER opening.
2) The stepmother - cooked alive in a sauna. Very gruesome, reminiscent of Final Destination 3.
1) The uncle - hanged in a sex dungeon. This was an uncomfortable read. I can say no more.