By Chung Yu Kwok
PSA: Before we begin, I would like to emphasise that this is NOT a bucket list. I do not condone any of the following illegal (ILLEGAL!) activities in the slightest, hence why I am ranking them based on the way they have been portrayed in fiction and the media - i.e. it’s not that serious. Kids, do not try this at home.
10) WAGE THEFT
Hollywood loves to glamourise crime, but even then no one has ever managed to make wage theft look good. It’s just not that cool to withhold your employees’ money, is it? I often see this one used as a subplot, where the sneering boss gets their comeuppance in the form of eviction and the rapid collapse of their fast food enterprise.
9) IDENTITY THEFT.
8) COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT
You may be wondering why I included this. Copyright infringement often comes up in films to do with the arts or other sorts of creative production, and the entire plot revolves around trying to prove who the original idea belonged to - see Miraculous, Season 3, Episode 6: Silencer, or A Cinderella Story: Once Upon A Song. Notice how these are both aimed towards a more juvenile audience. The same juveniles are probably the ones flooding your favourite singer’s comment section with accusations of plagiarism. Don’t the kids know that nothing is original these days?
7) COUNTERFEITING
This one is rarely portrayed negatively in movies, because the only people concerned about fake money are the cops or business owners, and the audience tend not to sympathise with either unless they happen to be the main character. Protagonists of heist movies use this one often (e.g. Ocean’s, Now You See Me), and Monopoly players definitely think about it every time they pass Go.
6) BRIBERY
The only one in which the criminal and the victim (recipient is probably a more accurate term for what I’m trying to say) both walk away satisfied. The definition of a win-win - who said money can’t buy happiness? This one is usually accompanied by smarmy rich kids and their smarmier, richer fathers who lack in hair but not in diet. It’s an irrelevant detail mentioned to evoke feelings of distaste and antagonism in the audience, but for its simplicity I give it a 6.
5) MONEY LAUNDERING
Nearly every movie in the crime genre has something to do with money laundering. I suppose it’s a nice reflection of our society today.
4) FORGERY
Lame, right? Not at all, I say. Like neglecting to wear a seatbelt, forgery is very common and starts with little children, often imitating their parents’ signatures on permission slips or even cheques if they’re that bold. It’s more of a skill than a crime in movies, more prevalent in the past compared to our modern, digitalised world. (This feels like a good time to cite my A-Level English Literature set text, A Doll’s House by Henrik Ibsen, as an example.)
3) ESPIONAGE
A deceiving title. One would think this involves shootouts and dramatic fights against the backdrop of the Himalayas or New York City or wherever the next Mission Impossible movie will be set. But no, economic espionage is the real white collar crime, and I actually think more movies should be made about it. How about a slow burn, enemies-to-lovers, forbidden romance about an Adidas employee sent to spy on Nike? Someone call Hallmark, quick.
2) EMBEZZLEMENT
I don’t have much to say, except that whenever a character (often on the wealthier side) is blackmailed or hiding a secret (a plot device often used in murder mysteries), it’s always to do with embezzlement. The movies may portray it as a classy scandal, but at the end of the day it’s just theft, and your school’s PTA probably regularly engages in this sort of activity.
1) FRAUD
Fraud is a bit of an umbrella term and encompasses what most think of at the mention of white collar crime. Given the ambiguity of that word, I’d argue that we are all victims of fraud, because the price of food these days is a scam and a half. But since we’re discussing fiction and not reality (life imitates art and art imitates life!), every movie with the word “hustle” or “heist” in its title involves a healthy bit of fraud. In fact, if you just take one look at a man - or two, or even a woman sometimes - wearing black tie (compulsory), sunglasses (optional), and a smugly mysterious expression (absolutely critical), you can practically smell the fraud. I was referring to movie posters but I suppose this might apply in all circumstances.